just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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