The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
