I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
