Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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