My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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