The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
