i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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