I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
