he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The Olympian is in my bed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
