i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When are your genitals available?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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