Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
