I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Randomize
