the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
