whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
