I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
