The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Boobs speak an international language.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
