Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
