dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
