Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
