I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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