i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
only if we run a train.
done.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
