I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
