four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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