Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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