apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In other news, I just burned my penis
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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