operation harelip BJ is a go
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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