In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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