The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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