if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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