yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
