oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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