Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
