there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
