So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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