Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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