im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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