I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
