I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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