I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
