She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
