There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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