so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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