dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize