I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
