Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize