totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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