you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
