Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
