I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
