Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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