are you so shy because you have an std?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
