my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
