is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Liz is crying about burritos again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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