i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
