What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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