I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
