did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
