I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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