bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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