i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The ass gains better be worth it
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