I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
