If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
