I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
