I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
