I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
