Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is it because I queefed?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
