Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
