ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
