dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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